Being

I said when I started this thing that I would talk about "spiritual work", of course I can't say that I have posted a thing at all on this subject. It is difficult to write about because it is so personal. I am still not totally comfortable putting myself out there in a public format. I am also uncomfortable that some of my family might read this. If feels like it is time to put something down and see where it takes me.

I don't particularly "do" any spiritual work, at least in the external sense. I don't meditate or pray, I don't dance or sing, or go to church. Perhaps I should. What I do is to try to BE, as much as I remember to. I think that is why Gurdjieff called it Self Remembering because you have to remember to do it. Remembering to do it is the real trick.

Being is simply the sensation of "I AM" without the words. Almost everyone takes this for granted and it is easy to see why. If you ask someone if they are aware of themselves they will say "Yes, of course!" and they will be - for that moment. It is only when you make a concerted effort to sustain this awareness that you realize that most of the time you literally, ARE NOT.

Another word for Being is Awake. A friend was kind enough to give me some advice on the matter that helped clarify things for me. Here's how the conversation went:

"How do you know if you are awake?"
Me: SHRUG
"You ask yourself"

So I did, intensively, for several weeks. During that time I experienced several instances of what I would call being Awake (or being closer to it). The sense of Being or Awakening was accompanied by a sudden intensification or amplification of the senses. Nothing supernatural here, just that everything seemed more REAL.

(Gurdjieff's third book title: "Life is Only Real When 'I AM' ")

My use of this practice lost momentum as all mechanical processes do and eventually it died off. But it left its mark. I began to see that I had so exposed myself to the literature of awakening that I was being reminded by association several times a day that I should try to BE AWAKE. I would experience moments of awakening more frequently but without the sensory fireworks. I was becoming more used to the experience. My ability to remember now goes up and down but it hasn't gone away completely since that talk.

Gurdjieff once defined the path to awakening as follows:

"To Wish, To Be Able, To Be"

I think I am becoming able.